Trigger warning: this blog describes sexual experiences involving a range of taboos and non-traditional expressions of sexuality.
Play scenes that explore questions about what it means to be human are, to me, the most extraordinary. Whether the idea starts with my own creative conniving, or someone comes to me with a curiosity, finding ways to erotically realise them turns on the mind as much as the body.
When a dear play partner proposed a scene idea, “Conception to the Grave”, I was inspired. How could I use kink, both in technique and composition, to take my friend on a journey through all the phases of life? It turned out to be the peak erotic experience of a lifetime.
I broke it down into a simple trajectory of the human life cycle: prebirth, gestation, birth, infancy, childhood, adulthood, ageing, death. I also reflected on all the different types of BDSM play and how they might match up with the different phases of the journey. It then all just fell into place.
Prebirth: Who really knows what and how our beings are in this phase - if anything? There is some esoteric suggestion about the energy of souls swirling about in the infinite cosmos. A perfect place to start; both of us dehumanised in full latex catsuits and hoods, smeared in silicone lube, sliding and smashing against each other and culminating in the ‘big bang’. His semen spilt to inseminate new life.
Gestation: The tiny seed of life cocooned in the womb. Suspended foetal mummification held by a heartbeat soundtrack. An e-stim pulse in the anus stimulating the first place in the body to develop. Waves of sensation building over time as the foetus pushes against its confines. The blade releasing newly formed skin as it takes its first breath and finds its way to the mother’s breast.
Infancy: ABDL becomes accessible through context. Although it’s not 'just a phase' for serious devotees, ABDL takes us all back to those primal needs of dependency and care. It’s the ‘oral phase’. It allows us to surrender our motor skills so we can be in the thrall of uncivilised embodiment. It recovers our early attachment wounds. We can be liberated in making choices about our gender. We can be messy. Through breast, bottle and mushy foods, diapers and swaddling, lullabies and plushie toys, early phase intimacy was transformative and deeply bonding.
Childhood: We begin to explore who we are in relation to the world. Often in the confines of educational institutions. This young child was cross-dressed appropriately to fit into the female dominated classroom. Her confusion soon gave way to cheekiness as she pushed against the assimilation assumed of her. So of course she needed to be punished by Mistress. Spanking and caning are the foundations of every good kink education, are they not?
Adulthood: For the majority, adulthood is dictated by work. Drawing on a popular cliche, many become ‘tied to the desk’. As it was with this slave to social norms. Gagged, blindfolded and rope tied to the chair and desk, there was no escape, no room for expression or seeking alternative pathways. It took the initiative and guidance of a more skilled mentor to slowly seduce them back into the sensate focus of new possibilities.
Ageing: Sensation play weaves a story between the past and the present so that hopefully we fully feel so as to remember, “you’re not dead yet”. By now we have a good grasp on who we are and what makes us tick. We also hopefully have the means to make more satisfying choices about how we want to be in the world. Yet we are still formed by the earlier experiences and memories that inhabit us. They appear out of nowhere, a smell can take us back, a brush against our skin can make us stand to attention. But through sheer overuse and the inevitable trajectory of age, the senses begin to deteriorate…
Death: The first place in the body to be developed is the site of the final surrender... anal play. "Open your anus to me so that you let go of everything you’ve been holding onto. So that I can reach into you and remind you of the cosmic connection that calls you. It’s always there, waiting for you to return. The space where nothing else matters, boundaries dissolve and there is no more me and you. The white light leading into the infinite nothingness. Ecstasy. Bliss."
This was a 6 hour non-stop experience crafted for someone who is a multi-interested kinkster. It is the highlight of a long-term, trusting play relationship. It is also a reflection of my history making immersive sensory live art. As with all good art, we were both deeply moved and transformed by this experience.
Kink can be so many things to each individual. It can serve different purposes at different times. Whether it be the old classics or extreme edges, they all have a place in my erotic emporium. Staying curious to people and possibilities is at the heart of how I play. This diversely sculpted scene is a perfect example of how kink can connect us through the core of our humanness. As with life, a kaleidoscopic composition of shadow, light and all the in-between grey zones. This is why we do kink.